Today was a good day. Some days aren’t so great- but today was a good day.
I have anxiety, and this is the mentality that I shift through each and every day. I’m sure everyone does from time to time but living with anxiety causes you to evaluate your day nearly hourly.
I have anxiety, I feel like I should always follow that up with “and I’ve been panic attack free for 5 days.” Admitting to people that I have anxiety - and this is completely personal - I feel like I should be addressing an AA meeting. I feel like people look at as if you as if you might suddenly self-combust but I am learning to overcome the stigma and every day is different.
Today, I made it into London by myself, and what once seemed so easy to do - going and doing things on my own- now suddenly seems so daunting.
Overcoming the initial panic attacks is the first hurdle, then getting yourself; up and dressed and out the door is the next.
For anyone who doesn’t know the feeling that come with anxiety, here’s a snippet: It completely consumes you. Your way of life, your relationships even your mannerisms. You start questioning everyone and everything, over thinking becomes a way of life instead of a rare occurrence.
The panic attacks start in your chest- in the very pit of your stomach and slowly it starts to climb up your spinal cord, your sternum, until it reaches your lungs and you feel like you can’t breathe. And this feeling can last up to five minutes or five hours. Everything is then under the control of the panic attack, your breathing, your appetite, your thoughts, sometimes your general ability to stand up and function.
But- I digress, today was a good day. If anyone like myself suffers with anxiety then I would love to learn new coping methods or even just to have a chat. I found that losing myself in something helps, completely surrounding myself in it. So getting back into horses and doing it regularly. Today in London to combat the anxiety I completely surrounded myself in the sights and sounds that the Big Smoke has to offer. Lose yourself in a panting, amerce yourself in something you love.
And an end note, know you won’t be beaten.
