The Night Out

While the wound is still fresh and I am still hungover I thought I would put together the stages of a night out. We’ve all seen these pages on varies sites, but this one is from the heart as I am recovering from a night out in Cheltenham. Taking a friend out for her premature 21st birthday is always a great idea… Go out they said it’ll be fun they said…

Stage 1

The stages of a night out begin before the actual date, the prep stages. This is the stage where you shave everything, even if you are wearing trousers you want those legs to be smooth, you paint your nails to cover up those horrible toes, especially if you are like me and have a horse. You take part in some form of makeover ritual where you use creams and various lotions and potions you’ve never used before or since the last night out, in the hope that it will make you some model look alike.

Stage 2

Again still in the preparation stage, a number of days before the event you plan what you are going to wear: a new top maybe, a new pair of shoes, something you always love to wear. Whatever it may be you have thought about it at least 4 days in advanced and the people who just turn up in something they picked ten minutes before and look great, I don’t always trust that they’ve not at least thought about it for a few hours.

Stage 3

You’ve finally made it to the big night and you’re getting ready to go out. The music is blaring the, drink is flowing, it’s all going well. Stage 3, however, I like to call the “I’m going to be late” stage. Yes, every woman knows this stage, you’ve made a plan to meet friend or go for a taxi and you are now running late and this is for a number of reasons which in themselves could be classed as stages. You jumped back in the shower because your legs just aren’t smooth enough, you’ve changed your outfit several times from the one in stage two and then finally back to the originally planned outfit. Normally you’ve had a phone call with a friend, and don’t like what you’re wearing in comparison to her or you don’t feel it’s classy enough or slutty enough or you’re simply wearing the same thing and that won’t do. Whatever the reason may be you are now late.

Stage 4

I feel in the spirit of the smart phone era stage four is known as the “selfi stage.” You’re ready, you’ve met your friends or are in the taxi or even on your own and now is the time where it is socially acceptable to whip out your phone or even the selfi stick and take copious amounts of selfies and group photos. Posing in front of different thing in your house in all manors of positions, and there is always someone who turns into the amateur photographer for the night.

Stage 5

WE’RE OUT! All the days of planning have led to this! You’ve finally made it to the bar or pub for your pre-drinking session before the club and this is where the night starts to come alive. It’s the place where it is now acceptable to do shots, or buy that cocktail jug for yourself or flirt ridiculously with the bar tender, because, who cares your out!

Stage 6

Finally after many bars, clubs and pubs you’ve made it to the big one, the one you’re going to meet your prince charming. The club that you’re going to finish the night in after drinking the bar dry and requesting every 90s hit under the sun. This brings us nicely onto stage 7.

Stage 7

You’re fairly drunk by now and all class has gone out the window. You’re slut dropping left right and centre, imagining you are the new member of the Pussy Cat Dolls when you and your friends remember you were going to request a certain song because it’s your song. It’s seen you through the best of times and everyone in the club needs to know it and witness your rhythmical talent along with it.

Stage 8

The night sort of steam rolls from here on in. After your song it’s the collective trip to the bathroom, because one of you can’t go on your own. This is where the DMC starts. After your song all the memories start flooding back and the next thing you’re aware of is a friend crying and looking to you for that deep meaningful chat in the bathroom while holding the rest of the queue up. This is the point you realise you’ve never told someone their pretty as many times as you have done to this one friend because the DMC always come round to how their life isn’t going anywhere and they miss you so much. Similar to the scene in "Bridesmaids".

Stage 9

After your DMC and communal bathroom trip and you’ve danced the night away and it's time for that all important trip to the chippy for the cheesy chips. The perfect way to spend any night is with a take away box full of cheesy chips and mayo and the entertainment you see is normally the highlight of the night.

Stage 10

Finally its home time and you’re slowly running out of steam but first, you have to get through the taxi ride. Your next port of call is the taxi driver and everyone makes friends with the taxi driver. Never have you been so concerned with someone’s night at work than you have been with that taxi driver. After your ride home and you’ve found out your driver’s name, that he has four kids and that he’s going to his cousins in the country for the bank holiday, you are finally home, and this is where the fun begins. All your friend have decided to stay and you now have the job of putting the drunkest one to bed, but not after they’ve told you how much they love you and tried to open the door with the power of their mind. There is also always one who can’t be quiet when you know they’ll wake your parents or your house mates, but finally you get everyone to bed and you await the carnage and the dissection of the night the following morning, the 11th and final stage.